Have you ever broken something that was new?
I was headed to what I knew would be a transformational weekend. What I didn’t see coming was the car accident on the way there. I collided with a car that seemed to come out of nowhere and discovered my brand new car, barely a month old, was broken. Once the situation was managed and I was finally on my way, I felt the intense emotional loss of what had been a perfect car. As I cried my tears I was given a very clear understanding of the parallel in my life. I have been “Healing Within” at deeper and deeper levels in the past year and working through core fractures from infancy. I visualized my new born self, as a parallel to my perfect new car. (To make the parallel even more precise, I actually waited for many months to get my new car as it was being manufactured for ME!) My new born self was so thrilled with its new body, made just for my spirit to dwell in. I was adored and felt the pure energy of my divine spirit in a brand new body. But then my frequency fell.
Is this familiar to you? Can you recall that experience of being brand new? A brand new parent? A newlywed? We start off with this blissful state and want to hold it forever. But it is inevitable that we lose it. We may lose it emotionally, give in to something, or feel we lost favor. Or we may simply find the newness fades. Either way, I had that experience and was no longer perfect. Just as my car was broken, my newness broke, and when it happened I was devastated. I was deeply upset, because I had every intetion of holding that state. I really wanted to be perfect. I caught hold of this awareness as I drove through Logan Canyon on the way to my writer’s retreat. I cried from the deepest place in my soul at this realization. I grieved the sense that things would never be the same and the perfection could never be restored. It seemed an impossible fix, until I clearly heard the words:
“I only have one child whose purpose on earth was perfection.”
I paused in my grieving. It was so simply true.
My perspective changed 180 degrees. Instead of looking back on the accident, back on the brokenness, I began to look at what my purpose is. I came to full acceptance of my present state. I opened a space for love to enter the broken place in me.
My gift this month is my story. I pray you will find healing in it as I did.